Why are they even letting these idiots in the store?

This afternoon I was walking across the street to the mall from the parking lot by the bus stop. It was raining hard and I was in flats so I had to leap across the stream of rainwater that had formed next to the street (thanks to lack of storm drains) to get across. 

A woman noticed me leaping and said, "Good job, you made it," and I was confused because I thought she was congratulating me for getting across the street, which is rather babyish because it's something that you would only say to a toddler who had managed to look both ways without a parent reminding them first. 

And then I looked at her and I was like, "So...?" 

We were walking at the same speed, and we both were separated for a brief second behind a vehicle. But then when she emerged again, we both happened to be headed for the door, and she said, "You know, I was only complimenting you." In a rather mean tone. 

And I was like, "Sorry, I thought you were--"

And as I was about to go through the door, she turned around and shot me a look, blocking my way. 

And then she said, "If you thought I was going to hold open the door for you, then absolutely not. You are rather nasty." 

I was like, "Alright, I'm sorry, it was a misunderstanding. I only thought you were saying--" But then she cut me off with a scowl and a short, "Harrumph!" 

I backed away and went to the library quickly. 

Afterwards, I looked around the mall to see if she was still there and if I could explain the misunderstanding to her without conflict, but then I didn't remember her appearance and she wasn't there anyways. I checked the bakery section to see if she was sitting at a table, but none of the patrons looked like her. I just gave up because I hate dealing with these kind of people. 

I spent the whole day thinking about it. 

Because she totally overreacted. Right? It was a misunderstanding, and then she called me "nasty." Even though I did nothing wrong. My parents would say I was being "rude," but I wasn't. They don't know me as well as I know me. 

Only Harry Potter fans will appreciate this post.

Fan of Harry Potter? Okay. I love animals (you probably noticed) and I love giving them names. My mom was hiking and after about an hour she found a rock field and a WHITE BUNNY RABBIT. I'm a complete bunny addict because when I was young my friend Ellen had two pet bunnies and she let me hold one and it was sooooo soft. 

You just have to imagine the soft marshmallow-ness. 

I was trying to think of cute names for her, so I settled on Bunny Wright (after Bonnie Wright, the actress who played Ginny Weasley in Harry Potter). 

I hiked up to the "Bunny Patch" rock field today but I didn't see Bunny Wright and I was very disappointed. Cleo was chasing a deer. We did see a swamp robin. It's like a robin but adorably chubby and a bit more colourful. 

Random crappy updates.

Sorry I’ve been invisible/MIA/disappeared, thought I’d drop a few notes for updates. Between book writing, errands, stress, depression, legs not working, and other slightly annoying things that come with life, it's been hard to write many blog entries. 

For updates on Slightly Quadruple-Hyperactive Wolves, it's going slow but good, and the writer's block is done. Whoohoo! We have six completed chapters and one incomplete chapter, which is great progress for the five-year-wait, except I can't figure out what to write about next because I don't have much of an amusing life. 

I've been watching some Rowan Atkinson shows lately and they're hilarious. I mean, locked out of your hotel room without pants? He totally knew what to do and used accurate signs. The Exit sign. Hehe. 

Manhattan Martenini totally jumpscared me. 

Life has started to get more confusing and hard. A bit better, but not by much. I sit in my room and I feel like chewing on the walls because I'm so angry at the avalanche of crap that's landed on me. I try to fight it but I can't. I randomly feel sick for no reason. 

Be back soon! Byeeeee

~ Marci

Blowtorch sandwiches!

 I was over at Izzy's house and we were making grilled cheese on English muffins for lunch. I assume they would have put the sandwiches on the stove or in the microwave like most people, but they aren't most people. 

Then Izzy took out a blowtorch and was like, "Marci, this is how we make grilled cheese." 

And then her brother, Oliver, lit the blowtorch with a lighter, and a long stream of fire came out.

The cheese melted perfectly. 

Izzy put some sausages on top to make mini-pizzas and gave them to us. They tasted a bit like gunpowder, but it was tiny blowtorch pizzas, which are totally better than normal pizza. (Beat that, Dominoes.)

---

Speaking of fire, I had a dream that there was a flaming desk in the driveway and it was my fault. Then I realized that I'm doing arson even in my sleep. 

---

P.S. Not that I do arson when I'm awake, because that happened a couple of times and it ruined a perfectly good dock. And a hotel. So only do arson in your dreams because although it's like ASMR you're totally going to have problems if you do it awake. 

P.P.S. Crap, I can't believe I just said that arson is like ASMR. Why did I say that? 

---

UPDATE: It's my mom's birthday today! 

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I've totally been abducted by aliens.

 So last night I fell asleep in a different room, not my room. I read in there for a while (I had a stack of three books) and then I just fell asleep. 

So I had a couple of nice, long dreams (I forget most) but then I had a dream about getting abducted by aliens. I'm only saying it was a dream so you won't think I'm insane, but I think I actually got abducted. 

Anyways, I WOKE UP IN MY ROOM. 

Which made absolutely no sense at all. Because I totally didn't fall asleep in my room. Even my stack of books were here, so my books got abducted? But I wasn't sleeping in MY bedroom. I was sleeping in the other one. And then I woke up in my bedroom. WITH MY STACK OF BOOKS. 

My parents were still asleep past nine (and they get mad at ME for sleeping in 🙄) so I had to sneak out of my room. My mom was sleeping on the sofa, and the living room is next to the kitchen, and this desktop is in the kitchen. So I turned it on, entered the passcode to get in, and then Googled "symptoms of alien abduction."

It didn't work. Google was all, "SORRY, NO WIFI, SWEETHEART, YOU CAN'T GET IN," and then I remembered why it wasn't working. 

The internet was always unplugged overnight because my parents had read a bit too many health articles. 

So THEN I had to sneak all the way down to the basement, where the router was, and plug it in, except there was a tangle of cords so it took me a while to plug in. Finally I found the right thingy, and I plugged it in to the glowing orange block and it worked. 

So I went upstairs, refreshed the page, and found a good article. Yes, I had remembered some of the abduction (they were, like, doing eye tests with red lights or something?) and yes, I had been moved. Yes this, yes that, no, sadly, I didn't have any psychic powers. I wish I had though. 

---

P.S. I looked down at the calendar app and it said February 14, and I realized it was Valentines Day and I should probably note that it is. 

P.P.S. I would have put the Valentine's thing in a different post except I didn't because I was so lazy and I'm kinda sorry it has to be mashed into an alien-abduction-wifi post. 

P.P.P.S. Crap, I'm writing about Valentines Day and I should have said the line by now. Well, Happy Valentines Day. 

PP.P.P.S. Actually, should I have said it in combination with pink hearts and bows and sparkles and stars and presents? If so, then I should do that. 

PP.P.P.P.S. Sorry, I just realized I'm too lazy to do that. Besides, I already said it. 

---

Small side note: Actually, I was less trying to clarify all that crap and more trying to see how many Ps I could fit before an S. But Happy Valentines Day anyway. 

(P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I know I got abducted by aliens and if anyone starts to say it's hallucinations or a sleep issue I will put them through a wall.) 

HELLO MARCI. I AM MARCI. Part 2

 I started writing more ridiculous notes in a notebook so they'll be there forever. Welcome to Part 2. 

---

Dad was trying to send an email to Suzie. It autocorrected to "Hi sweetie" which just seems like autocorrect's bigamy. He re-typed it, and it autocorrected to "Hi Suuy" as if she were Chinese food. 

---

Someone on Reddit wanted to name their kid Heist. People in the comments suggested Robbery as a middle name. 

--- 

Mom found the Ferret Lovers Society of Atlantic Canada. Basically they rescue baby ferrets, and give them new homes. Dang it. Now I want to adopt a baby ferret. 

---

That's what happens when you scrawl out confused notes at 3 a.m. and hope you'll understand in the morning. It's a cool thing many of us do. 

So about the book I'm writing.

 Yo. 

About the book I'm writing. 

So.

Let's get to it. 

---

Books are hard. Memoirs in particular. On my blog I can give you dumb blurbs of the most random things on the planet... but books are different. Books are serious. They get published and famous newspapers are more likely to see them that way. 

Books are easy to procrastinate on. They are hard to get through. You need to hire editors and do publishing nonsense and worry about this and that. For me, I need to find the best stories and make the tone of the output hilarious and entertaining, keeping readers coming back again and again. 

So know that it's going to be hard. It could take years, or it could take a split second. I'd expect years. I pretend it isn't there. I get writer's block when I sit down to craft a new chapter. I plan everything, but it doesn't work out. I can't make any progress on anything at all. 

But I am excited for its release in future years. I'm excited for y'all to pick it up and laugh and cry and feel content and happy and entertained. I'm excited to share my story. 

I know it will take years, so I have settled on a spot in a future year. Not a specific date or month. Just something so you'll know what time period to expect it: Early 2030.

It sounds like a long wait, but time flies, and I'll always be here to entertain you with blog posts so that your patience doesn't half to feel like an exhausting effort of carrying a stinky 800-pound baby across the Sahara Desert while horseflies are chewing on your flesh and snakes are poisoning you. 

So don't worry. 

The path towards it will be fun. 

The mountain actually broke.

 I got home from town today and looked out the window at the mountains, which I look at every day, and then I realized something was wrong. 

The mountain was quite distanced from us. To the point where the green trees looked blue. But we could still see the whole thing very clearly. 

This was the mountain I had been gazing at since forever. 

I looked at something strange. It was a cliff that hadn't been in that gully before. Maybe the snow fell in an odd way, I thought. 

And that's when I realized. 

A HUGE CHUNK OF ICE HAD BROKEN OFF THE MOUNTAIN. 

It was a huge change. Grey rock sat where the section of the mountain had once been. Trees had been crushed like tiny toothpicks under a hydraulic press. A faint cloud of dust subsided. 

I screamed to my family, "THE MOUNTAIN HAS BROKE," and they screamed too. I looked at it through binoculars. It had definitely broken off an enormous chunk--too far to affect us, too close for us to be calm. 

Pictures will be shared soon. 

Dead bug bath?

I am sore from jogging yesterday so I took out my bag of bath salts and took a nice bath.

There were random flower leaves here and there, picked from the Canadian Rockies. I poured in half a bag, which seemed like enough, and I settled in. 

The bath felt good. 

And then I saw something attached to my leg. 

At first I thought it was nothing. There were seeds and leaves, so this was normal. But I looked closer because it's normal to be suspicious about random bath salts. 

It appeared to be a tiny dead worm. 

I screamed and drained the bath, then set the bug/worm thing on the sink and checked my body for dead worms. None. I checked the leaves and seeds for dead bugs. None. 

So I got back into my clothes and went to show my mom the dead worm. I looked at it under a microscope--it had a head and a typical belly, with spikes all over it, typical grub crap. 

That is a dead worm thing. No crap, y'all. 

It's like those worm salts from the bathhouse in Spirited Away when Lin said to Chihiro that they were supposed to be good for you. So maybe the worm/bug was intentional and I'm just getting super healthy. If so, that's great. No more zero-carb diets, plus those things are already dead anyway. 

There may be police in the spa shower. Watch out for hot chocolate men.

 This morning I went to the provincial park lodge for random measurement stuff. It was annoyingly rainy and filled with other humans. I tried finding a place to hide, but people were everywhere. Someone stank up the entire restroom area. There was basically the Australian version of Izzy's parents in the game room. Too many waitresses ran around. People were all over the lounge. Nowhere to go here. 

My mom was meeting up with a lady named Anita for business stuff, so I could explore freely... but I wasn't feeling adventurous. They went outside to the spa, with a hot tub area and balcony inside a cage thing. 

As Mom measured the spa with lasers (it sounds weirder than it actually is) I noticed the spa rules, posted by the shower. 

Yep, correct. That first one says, "No person is permitted to use the spa without first having taken a warm water shower with soap." 

A WARM WATER SHOWER WITH SOAP. 

Mom and Anita went inside the spa to measure stuff (WITHOUT TAKING THE SHOWER FIRST) and I took in the view of grass, humans, and mountains from the balcony. I peeked inside the glass door and pointed out that if a serial killer was in the spa, the police would have to take the warm water shower with soap before entering, and by the time all seven of them had finished their shower all the patrons would be dead anyway. 

Anita insisted there were no serial killers at the lodge. Then she went back to measuring. 

I huffed and exited the cage, then went inside the lodge. A waitress suddenly leaned in front of me and smiled so hard I couldn't believe she was still alive. She oohed-and-aahed for a minute. And then she was like, "HELLO. WOULD YOU LIKE A HOT CHOCOLATE? PLEASE ALLOW THE LODGE TO MAKE YOU A HOT CHOCOLATE BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU TO THE SUN AND BACK." (I'm kind of paraphrasing, but that's how it was.)

I was like, "No, the world would kill me. I'm not a guest." But she wouldn't listen. So I ran away. I could hear her saying about how "adorable" I was to the other waitresses, as if I were a child. 

So I went to look at coats. 

I observed the logos embroidered onto the sleeves (which all looked the same, but it was cool.) There were knitted and raincoat variants, of different and subtle colours, with well-hidden zip-up pockets for convenience and zero thieves. I looked at the simple green raincoat and the emerald green with a bright blue interior. I looked at the coats for a while, probably hours, walking along and observing each and every variant. It magically deterred the waitresses, chefs and humans around me until I was at a sense of peace, blending in to the lodge's morning chaos. 

I wanted to buy one and put it over my bright, striped coat that drew me too much attention. Just blend in further. But I didn't bring my cash, and they were probably deadly expensive. 

I looked at the old-fashioned Singer sewing machine. And then another waitress emerged and asked me if I would like a hot chocolate. 

I said no. 

She asked me again. 

I said no. 

She smiled and wiggled. Then she left.

I looked at the coats for another hour. Then, a man emerged--the same man who had shook hands with Mom but knelt down and spoke in a high pitched voice to me when I had introduced myself. He asked me if I wanted a hot chocolate. 

I huffed and said that I did not want one, that I wasn't there to drink hot chocolate. I was there to hide from humans. 

He nodded. 

"In that I'm not trying to imply that I'm not human," I pointed out.

"You are a human," he smiled, giggling. 

"I'm probably a vampire."

"Then I'll make you a vampire hot chocolate!" Before I could refuse again, he walked away. Also, would a "vampire hot chocolate" have blood in it or something? I went into the game room and hid behind the quality leather sofa to hide from the hot chocolate man. 

My mom walked in and told me that the staff really wanted to give me a hot chocolate. I refused. Mom said the hot chocolate man was probably already making it. 

---

Aside from all that, I have a cool picture of the hot tub: 

HELLO MARCI. I AM MARCI.

 We all write notes to ourselves. Little reminders to go shopping, or maybe even a furious vent of depressing emojis and gibberish in all-caps (which I did do when the wifi network wouldn't let me in.)

But for me, it's much different. Usually my keyboard's close encounters of the third kind or cryptic messages involving real estate. 

Today, I'll be sharing some of mine. 

----

I saw an alien. It looked like a strange alien. The alien was blue with blue stripes and blue dots on the bottom of the face. The ufo it was in looked metallic, with white mist and black fog. The ufo was shaped like a giant ice cream cone and the ice cream cone was shaped like a big ice cream wrapper. 

The second alien was tall and had a small hole in his stomach that looked almost like a little ice cream maker. His eyes were covered with yellow paint and his nose was covered with blood. 

The third alien looked like a big fish. He had a beard and a big head and green skin. 

The fourth alien was an American who had been in contact with a Chinese spy. The alien looked like a young alien from another dimension and the other aliens were just like me. They looked like they had been in a cave for a long time. 

They were so much more than a little bit of a mess that they were not even sure what to do with them and they were just trying to figure out. 

----

Has a lot to offer in this market but the price of a home has not changed in recent months. The price is going to go down in value as the market goes down. If you don’t like the idea, you can go eat some poop.

----

I never mind I’ll see what happens 

With my car I will explain what happened 

Because it looks like it is not a fault 

The driver was a driver who is a passenger driver 

He doesn’t know the amount 

Of time it takes 

To get to the nearest airport 

He doesn’t know

The time of us and he knows we have to wait 

Nevertheless 

I will be there 

So be ready to fall off the cliff 

Because they don’t want you there 

Because that’s just the way it plays

Crackled and they are never gonna be 

A crazy eating machine 

As if they don’t realize that 

They are simply the #570$856 of us 

We cannot have any more dumb people 

In our faces

Rusjdjdjdjdjdjsjsjsjsjsjsjdrodifjfj 

The whole world knows what they were talking about 

The way he said that is why they were so confused 

I don’t know why they were so upset about it but 

I think it’s just me

Find my phone, find my iPad 

Find my stuff, find my charger 

Find my car, find my wallet 

When will you get it back 

Find my friends, find my gold 

Find my diamonds, find my house 

Find my soul, find my wallet

When will you get it back 

Find my heart, find my wallet 

Find my YouTube, find my Instagram

Find my phone, find my friends 

When will you understand 

Hey guys I’m not sure 

The answer to that question 

What are the chances that the game is a success and

I’m just not sure if I can 

Make a decision for myself 

Help me out 

Please help me out 

I’m not a hacker and I’m not a scammer 

Please 🙏 please 🙏 please 🙏 I will do everything possible 

The only thing that you need to know is to contact me 

The amount is very much needed please 

I I need to know your address and address and I need to know what your address is so I can get the address and I can get it to you thank you so much I really love you so much and I hope you have a good day and I hope you have a good day 

Please give me all your money and I will pay you back for the rest of the day 

I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you so much I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate me and I love you and I hate you I hate you and I don’t hate you I hate you hate me you are the most annoying and you know that you don’t hate yourself you know what is best friend you know I don’t like 👍 you hate me I love your love your name is my best friend and I love your 

Did you know that John Smith is a very stupid 

remember to bring the food 🍲 in and put in a plastic cup with your hands 🙌 we will have the food 🍲 and the water 🚿 in our house 🏡 to help with digestion in a hurry as you will have plenty for you in a day of fasting for your daily meal 🥘 to keep the hunger and food 🍱 in check 👊 I will have you in a bit more of the food 🍱 is on my list of meals that you can have on hand 🤚 if you’d prefer me please 🙏 have fun 🤩 love ❤️ your mom 🧑 too always love 💕 love 💕 love 💕 love 💕 you always love you always love you 

Chinese food and always love you so much and always love and miss ya always I eat some more babies (what the heck lol????) eat some more baby eat some more chicken eat some more delicious food eat some more eggs love  

----

Let me join the wifi network. Come on. Make this day more convenient for me and let me join, idiot. If you don’t let me join, something bad will happen…

 Pleeeaaasssee?L?L!LL????????b

I hate you. Stop being an idiot and let me connect. I don’t CARE if you think I should “have the sun in my face.”

I’m hungry. I want a snack and some WIFI!L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eh? Huh? 

Skekskskskskskkskskwwkwkwkwkwksksksidksks

I’m so mad at you. Plaease let me join the network. I found it, I entered the password, and I have earned it. 

Got it?

LETMECONNECT NOW OR ELSE I WILL GET YOU TO LBIHDVWFLNIHEWFVJONIFWEVWEFVONUIVEFWVBOIHWEFVIOHBVWVERBHIOWEVFOIBHWVFEIOBHVFEW

YOU WILL PAY WEEKLY TO LIVE

IT’S 8 MILLION A WEEK

NOW PAY UP OR LET ME JOIN

trust me, I will eat your house. 

I really will. 

Now let me join the network, Signs. 

Otherwise you’ll be paying weekly to live. 

You know what?

You suck. I’m tired of you, Signs. You ruin my life. Give me some wifi. 

Go Sign someone else and let me have my wifi. I ghuprgqeyigorageoiygeqrghpuiqgerbluireguinrvejnkervnjkrevjnkevrkjnrvwnekvjrnjkrevojnervnojrvenojevrnjoevronjvernojvrenowefoifewojifwejoiwefjoifewoijwefiojfwoinaef ljdfa lmadcl madcafd(742&9(7jioqwdseoifnseofDfvlhibdfvhjblfdvzljbhfdvbhjlvdfzlbjhdvfzljhzvdfjhzvdhvdhjldhjbdzfvhbjldfzvhljadvfbhjlabdjhcnnzzzmzmzmzmzmzmzmzmdkdkzjdjazhzdjsnakaazisjrttttsamememhynjjjjoiyfbhgdderf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????iganamamamamambabababdbdbbn nbabsnwbsendbefjbrjfndidnewjkskjvbasdkvjhabsdkfjhqergfloeiouriedjfiisndendjendciwkeoororooriojefn you 

I’m hungry….

 If someone is reading this…. 

Please bring me a snack and help me with the wifi. 

Come on, hurry up. 

Open the fridge. 

Take out some food.

Not vegetables.

Not fish. 

And DEFINITELY not borscht. Or squash soup.

Put it in/on a dish. 

Find a utensil. Carry it out the door.

And bring it to me.

NOW DO ITTTQ!!!!!!M do it please 

I’m hungggrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyy

A

Rriguhwrptgiuhwrfpgiuwhrfglwihdfbglsidfhgblsdifhgbsldfighbsdlfvihsbdfvlihsbdfvlishefbvlwidfhvbwdlfivhbkdnfbvlskdfnvbadfnkvaffnvafkvjabdlfkvhbadlfivhbasbsbbabababababdbdbdndbdbdbdbdbdbdndnddndbdndnbddndbdnd nbnbnbnbnbnbbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbbnbnnnnn.  Bb nbbbbbbbnbbbhhbjbjbjbjbjjhhvjbhvjbhghghkjjbjjjjjjjjjjjjjjsjsjsjsjsjsjsjsjsjsjsjsjsjsjsjsssijissosissjssjs

Fine ill explore 

But then you will give me wifi. Ok? And a snack, preferably ramen. 🍜 

I want foooood. I’m hungry. I am about to cry. 

My eyes are blurring.

I can’t see what I’m doing. 

Help me. So hungry 

Sad 😢 😞 😔 I’m so hungry and hungry and hungry and sad.

I don’t… I think..l. I might die. I’m just starving…

----

And that concludes my list of notes I wrote to myself, or to Signs. Or my keyboard wrote them. My dad became concerned when the keyboard typed the phrase "I will eat some babies," so now he's all afraid of technology. But the moral here is that you shouldn't trust keyboards that you aren't controlling. Especially the ones with the red glowing from underneath, because I'm pretty sure it's like those heat tubes you'll find in toasters and that your keyboard is probably planning to one day toast your fingers. 

And this is why they used typewriters back then. 

Lot to say. Ptarmigans, rabbits, snowballs.

 Too much happened. 

I'm surprised a mere blog post could fit all this information. 

So I went out of town. It was a six-hour drive, which is slightly infuriating because our town has nothing. Like, the regional district board has spent millions on... pipes. And internet. And an overly fancy lap pool. We don't need any of those things! We're still missing a McDonalds, and a hockey arena, and a waterslide, and an arcade. We're also missing elevators. 

So we drove out there. 

It's a small city in the interior. We checked in to a nice hotel with elevators, where our room number also happened to be our P.O. box number. The hotel room had a TV, a small bathroom, a coffee maker, a desk, and a mini-fridge, and also those beds that they make in such a weird way so that the sheets are super tight. It's like sleeping in a pantyhose. 

And we went to a McDonalds drive-thru. It was beautiful. I even saw a Coca-Cola truck for the first time in my life. I know seeing a Coca-Cola truck is normal for most people, but for me it was a whimsical fairy-tale dream. 

Anyway, I finished my nuggets and fries and yogurt thing, and we checked in to the hotel. I found some radio stations with some good music and stuff about weather. I had a thing of fake honey and drank two creamers. Wonderful overall. 

The next day, I woke up early and looked out the window, which faced the freeway. 

I went to Staples to get my passport photo, since my passport had expired basically 10 years ago (and that's why I never go out of the country). A girl with a very high-pitched voice got me to sit on a stool in front of a giant rectangular light. 

She pulled out a camera and crouched down a bit, then said, "Pull your bangs back. We must see your forehead." 

I didn't exactly want Staples, the girl, or the border guards to see my giant forehead, but before I could even move my hands, my parents rushed over to me and started adjusting my every detail, shoving their rough hands into my face. I pushed them away and was like, "I CAN MOVE MY OWN HAIR. I'M NOT AN INFANT," but they weren't listening. The girl also told me to put my hair back so they could see my ears, and my parents rushed over AGAIN, but I told them I could move my own hair. Again. Then they said my forehead was covered again, so I moved my hair again, and my ears were covered again, etc. etc. etc. etc.! 

Eventually they moved their butts outta the way and I sat in a fancy pose as the girl snapped two photos of me. A bright light flashed each time. Then I waited by the electronics display, checking out a cool PC. I saw the girl and another person putting my image into a photo editor, cropping it, rotating it, and putting some green circle around my face.  

Then the girl went over to me and said, "your body is too diagonal. It must be straight." My parents lectured me about sitting up straight as I settled into the chair once more. 

I sat up straight. The girl took a few more photos, then walked away, editing mine and printing it out. They seemed mildly satisfied this time. The photo did look a hundred times better than I expected (it's amazing what the right lighting can do), but then it was Dad's turn. 

He settled happily into the chair in front of the light, almost smiling (the staff didn't seem to notice), and no one lectured him on his hair position or shoved him into the right posture. The photos were just snapped, hastily edited, and printed out. 

Our photos were put in an envelope, then we exited the store. We were going out for Chinese food with our friend Joe. It was at a restaurant called Ming's. The moment we walked in, it didn't fit the Chinese vibe. It was rows of cramped tables and chairs, like a prison dining hall, with modern lights hanging from the ceiling. A tree had tiny Chinese lantern ornaments hanging from its leaves. A lucky cat and a candy jar of fortune cookies were set on a small counter. 

A waitress led us to a table at the very end of the restaurant by a window facing Main Street. Dad and Mom got a glass of water, Joe requested an iced tea, and I ordered a glass of milk. Each of us grabbed a plate and walked over to the "Chinese" self-serve buffet, where steaming hot dishes sat in tanks under spotlights. 

I put some noodles, mushrooms, and a bowl of wonton soup on my plate. Then my parents slapped two giant, melty broccolis that were probably made with a combination of radioactive waste and vomit. I went for the coffee creamers instead (I usually just open them and drink them). And you'll never guess what happened next. 

THE CREAMERS WERE EXPIRED. 

I took one sip and knew. It was disgusting. I finished my wonton broth and planned my one-star review online for when I got home. This was a terrible Chinese restaurant that didn't sell Chinese food, had a bad vibe, a lonely feeling, and of course, we were the only ones in the giant dining area. 

We left the restaurant. Joe filled up my pockets with gold candies and fortune cookies. My fortune said, "You will be successful in competitive sports." That means discus!!! HOORAY!!!!! We stopped by the lawyer for a short time, and then I got a pair of shiny black shoes at Joe Fresh, and then it was a six hour drive back home. 

On the drive, Dad saw something on the road. He thought it was a ptarmigan (a grouse when it turns white in the winter), then he thought it was a white rabbit, then he thought it was a snowball. Then he replaced rock paper scissors with "Ptarmigan, Rabbit, Snowball." Genius idea. 

We cuddled our dog as we unloaded the truck. However, it was difficult for me to get into my shoes. I had been sitting in the truck for six hours, which had caused my feet to swell up multiple sizes until I could barely move them. 

I blame that intersection light. I have a strange phobia of certain traffic lights, as well as construction signs and road construction machines. I have no idea why, but it feels like they're going to "get me." There was a flashing yellow light at an intersection, dangling down from a metal post as if taunting me, flashing for miles until it disappeared over the horizon. It felt deliberately menacing. 

Anyways, in summary, travel is exhausting but totally, totally worth it.