FAQs

Hello. This is a FAQ, but I'm wondering how the heck you found this, because I didn't put a link to it anywhere. Maybe there's an off-the-island Stan subreddit megathread with mods repeatedly spamming links to external blogs. Please don't put it on a r/stans. I don't wanna have to hire a moderator. 

If you're secretly an alien, just admit it. 

I'll admit that I'm not. 

Why did you start this blog? 

I noticed that people like Jenny Lawson or Allie Brosh had these hilarious blogs, and I was like, "Well, how bout I start one too?" It's become a fun thing to do in my free time, and it makes me happy to write about all kinds of things, whether they're funny, sad, joyful, scary, retarded, or about deadly rabbits. 

And these are all true stories? 

Yeah, they're all true stories. Some minor details I forget, but if something awesome or funny happens I'm always writing that blog entry in my head. Usually the versions that are in my head are much better than the versions you're seeing. I apologize about that. 

Are you writing a book?

Yep, I'm planning on writing my first book: Slightly Quadruple-Hyperactive Wolves: A Memoir. It's gonna take quite a few years to finish, so expect at the latest 2030. Okay, fine, 2028. 2027? Is 2027 fine? Ehh, we'll go with 2028 to be safe. 

Dog person or cat person? 

Dog person all the way. 

Can I see some pictures of your dog? 

Yeah, sure! Her name is Cleo and she's really sweet. 

She's standing in a pond, by the way.

What's her breed?

She's a mix of Bernese Mountain Dog, Border Collie, and Australian Shepherd. This means she likes standing at high points, leaning on people's legs, and being an insanely happy dog! 

Have you ever seen a UFO?

Not really, unless you count this fake one where I threw a lid up into the air and snapped a photo of it:

But that totally looks like a real UFO. 

It really does, and I actually texted it to my grandma and I told her it was real, and she believed me. But it isn't. Sorry if you're reading this, Grandma, but aliens didn't actually come to my village. It was just the canning-jar-lid aliens. They're friendly, but in the other photos all you'll see is a lid-spacecraft crashing onto the patio off-camera. 

Will you please advertise my blog and/or products?

That'll be unlikely. I will only advertise it if it helps me out a lot, is cute and/or satisfying, and if it isn't a math book. 

It's a math book, but it's so amazing and educational and beautiful and it--

SORRY, NO WAY. 

I hate you so much and you suck. 

I'm very sorry. 

How often do you post?

I'd say I try to post every day or every few days. I generally don't have that much of a schedule for posting, but I post whenever I have the time and whenever something funny or serious or interesting that I'd like to share comes up. 

What's your favourite food? 

Bacon.