Boris Yeltsin, barred owl

 This morning, I got a phone call from this guy I knew. I found rare insects, and he would photograph them, and then they would be released near where they were found. Like, if I found a rainforest bug, it would be released down the valley, close to the ocean. 

ME: Hello?

HIM: Yeah, it's me. 

ME: Oh, hey. What's up? 

This is the point where I probably just should have complained, because this is November, and everybody knows there are no special rainforest bugs in November. Unless you're in the Southern Hemisphere, in which case, yes. 

HIM: Yeah, we found an owl here. It flew into our fence and got injured, and it's currently in our sanctuary. Wanna come and see it before it's released?

ME: Yeah, sure. Thanks. 

HIM: Come down in 15 minutes. 

ME: Cool, thanks. Will do. 

I was then deciding which Russian name would be most suitable for it. Maybe Svetlana? But we don't know if it's a girl. Anton? Nah, that's the name of my friend's mom's ex. Nina? Actually, that doesn't even sound close to an ideal name for a owl. 

Then it came to me when I sat on the couch to tell my dad about it. 

ME: He's got this owl in a sanctuary and I'm going down to see it in 15 minutes. 

DAD: Really? What kind?

ME: He didn't say. 

DAD: Seriously? 

ME: I'm still deciding on a name for it. Something Russian-- like, Boris. 

DAD: It's pronounced Bor-ihs. 

ME: Whatever. You don't know that. 

DAD: I know everything. 

ME: *pfft* Yeah, everything except Russian. And the fact that baked kale is disgusting. 

DAD: Baked kale is extremely healthy. 

ME: Anyway. FYI, it's pronounced Bor-EEHS. 

DAD: Our neighbours pronounce it Bor-ihs. 

ME: Our neighbours aren't Russian. I'm pretty sure they're Spanish. 

DAD: Whatever. 

ME: For example, Bor-EEHS Yeltsin. 

DAD: Where did you even learn of his existence?

ME: I learned it in the Simpsons. So basically, Homer Simpson is really drunk at the bar. The guy makes him do a test on the Breath-O-Meter before he can drive home. And it goes all the way to the top, and it say Boris Yeltsin drunk level, and--

DAD: *turns on football game* 

ME: Hey, I'm not finished yet! So then Homer has to walk home through the deep dark woods. And that's when he sees the alien. Except the alien is really Mr. Burns. And Burns has developed a healthy green glow from running the nuclear power plant, and he's had a slight spinal adjustment, a vocal cord scraping, eye drops that dilate his pupils, and a vaccine that makes him all weird. Vaccines are like that. Anyway, Fox Mulder and Dana Scully come along and they see the alien. It was awesome. 

DAD: Well, of course you learned that in that stupid show.

ME: It's not stupid! 

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Later on, we arrive at the place. We were led around multiple corners until we reached a small shack with a glass door. I peeked through the hole and this is what I saw:

It just looked at me and blinked. It even winked at me. Basically like Gillian Anderson's pause faces, except transferred to an owl. 

But before I could hand Boris a large vodka and let the Yeltsin family adopt him, it was time to look at the bug collection. 

The collection consisted of four small drawers. When you opened them, the top would be covered with a layer of glass. The dead insects were displayed neatly using sewing pins stabbed through their hearts. There was even a jewel beetle with his head stabbed off. Probably unintentional, but it made me wary of insect specimen collectors. You just never know their display methods.